How cowardice is it for one to flee from the problems strapped to his back—running away into comfort while fooling himself to never look back, saying "there's nothing there." But, alas, what everyone hears is the act of running without knowing what that man actually said to himself while avoiding to look back. What did he say to himself, anyway?

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I am a person of passion. I have a heart that can drive me to spare most of my time to work and manage things that I love. But that's the keyword, "things that I love."

But, that shouldn't be a problem, should it? I am a lovely guy! I love a lot of people, and therefore a lot of things. Not to mention, I have a lot of interests in numerous different subjects (4 as documented in this website). Surely, and I mean, surely I will have no problem managing ANYTHING. Right?

Well, what occurs was I put my shoes in someplace I don't love, nor do I like. I hated this place I'm stepping on right now. Not for the reasons that it doesn't align with my interests, no. As a matter of fact, I used to LOVE this place. It was my home, it was my hobby, it was my everything. The reason I even stepped on the podium of responsibilities lokated on the center of this place is, because I used to love it.

I was idealistic, I was creative, I was passionate, FOR THIS PLACE. But along my journey of proving that, my love deteriorates. And one of the reason is the place itself. For what I thought, standing on that podium meant overseeing the whole place, grasping it in my hands, under my management, under my name. But soon I realized that standing on that podium also meant becoming easy target for seclusion and criticism. Although, at first, I handled them well. I handled it with ease and with no care in the world. "Haters would be Haters" or some other motivational quotes that I put on my phone wallpaper to constantly remind me to not give a damn.

But what follows was a slippery slope. It was not the PEOPLE BELOW that threw all of those things at me. But the ones, on the podium right beside me. On my left, and right. The one that lifted their own podium, standing above me, where it should be ME who's on top. But no. What follows, was that I am in an awkward place of holding the title, but standing the labor. It was humiliating to say the least. And it's something that doesn't fall back or goes back to normal or are protested upon. It continued that way, to this day.

But did I regret stepping in there? Short answer, yes. Long answer, no, because there is indeed something to thank of this excrutiating and mind-exhausting experience, and that is the resilience. I can tell, that I have built a stronger and stronger mentality, to fight off against criticism and protests. To stand my ground, and not fall back after being thrown upon by people who doesn't know how it feels to step on where I stand.

So, to answer the question, what the running man said to himself, was "I'm gonna run. Run. Run away from the place that doesn't want me. These straps won't hold me back. It won't break me. Freedom is to be where your passions are. Not here."

-Dev